Just Another Weekend

01.21.07

So I spent one entire day on the weekend hanging out with a friend. She seemed down so I tried my best to play the cheerful part. We had a late lunch at a trendy place near Venice beach after some people came to take some pictures of her work at her studio. Actually I ran to her house then to her studio and back to her house, 7 miles total. We went to the Marina Del Ray beach area and hung out some before the sunset. It's a terrible beach with oil tankers in the waters at a distant view and then an industrial plant further down southwardly in the horizon with air planes constantly taking off and flying overhead out of Los Angeles' airport. But she loves the beach and talks fondly of it way too much, so I suggested that we go there hoping that she would temporarily forget whatever was bothering her that day. In between, we drove everywhere looking at some neighborhoods and magnificent houses around the beach. We got back and made dinner over her place after walking down the street to get some groceries at Trader Joe's, and the day ended around 10pm. About 5 years ago she was really down and I wasn't there for her. I didn't think it was a serious thing and didn't think much of it at that time because everyone has their ups and downs, but it was actually something. So ever since then, I feel guilty, too guilty, and spend my time or any opportunity I can to trying to mend what I felt I should have done then.

In addition, this weekend I also found out that I’m going to be an aunt. My brother's wife is pregnant. I’m happy for them since this is what they wanted and planned for. It also freaks me out and makes me feel lightheaded and somehow sickly frighten inside. When I came back from Argentina, Yimei had her second baby, which I was prepared for. But what shocked me more was that my other friend in Vancouver had his second child, which I had no clue about whatsoever. Pictures just came to me and the realization of time passing horrified me. How long can I pretend I’m 22? Will I still be wearing teenage clothes when I’m 40? How the heck did I get so old so fast? Can I find that yellow liquid flask and drink it as they did in Grimus? Somehow I cannot see myself taking the yellow potion. I think if the yellow and blue could be mixed and a green liquid formed allowing prolonged existence but not infinite life forever, I could do a bottoms up on that concoction.